To put it simply, I left SL for what I thought would be for good around nine months ago. A singular event and ending of a relationship was enough to push me over the edge I was teetering off of. You see, it takes more than one event or one person to make me leave. I was halfway over the cliff anyway. I was depressed, sick and overall unhappy with everything. I blamed it on my health, my work and anything else but the problem was staring right at me.
Second Life was toxic.
It had turned into nothing but a harmful wasteland to me. Even though I had supporters and friends I could not see them through the poisonous fog. I had let Second Life turn me into someone I didn't want to be and it was growing worse and worse by the day. So I left. I turned off my PC, traveled out of the country and took time to refresh. I regret in the manner of how I did it. I let people worry about me. I didn't tell them I was okay. After I left for Japan, I checked my email once, replied to a couple of people and then never logged into it for eight months.
Wow..eight months. I can't believe it's been that long. During that time I slowly began to forget the pain. I became motivated and focused on my real life. My real ambitions and my real life connections. It took several months. I couldn't bear to look at the Firestorm logo, so I uninstalled it. I didn't log into any of my old emails and I certainly did not reactivate my facebook. More months passed. My wounds healed. I got a new job and I got into the graduate school I've been fighting to get in. I dated, I met new people..and before I realized it, I was no longer dependent on Second Life. I was no longer hurt or trapped. And most importantly, I felt happy with my life.
More months passed, and I forgot everything. I focused on my work and school. I had pushed everything out of my mind. (I'm good at that.) Still, there was one person I could not ignore. Especially when she texted me one day. I was sitting outside my classroom, gathering my books and suddenly I saw a text from one of my closest SL friends. I thought she had forgotten about me. I was wrong. She assumed I was in Japan and therefore assumed I could not get texts. I immediately replied, and like floodgates, my heart opened up and all my old sentiments rushed in. I walked into the computer lab boldly. I sat down..and without hesitation I opened up my old hotmail account...and there they were.
Emails.
From the people who loved me.
From the people who counted on me.
From the people, who never forgot about me.
My head swam with emotions. I took a deep breath and hit reply. First to Spike. He had emailed me, to keep himself sane. In hopes I would return. He said he accepted I was long gone, but he still wanted to email me. It comforted him. That..broke my heart. I replied with only two words:
"Get ready."
Second email. It was from my baby dear Rogue. Yet since she was already texting me, she did not get a reply.
Third email. Cyrus. My ex. I was sure he had moved on, and long forgotten me. I was sure he was pissed I took off, even though I needed to. Yet, he had emailed me a few months ago and said I was on his mind. He said he missed our friendship. That is when I realized, I missed it too. Despite how our relationship turned out, we always had a deep friendship and respect for each other. We endured a lot of things together. This is why I couldn't simply ignore that email. My wounds have healed and I felt good. So I replied.
I didn't think I would have the guts to log into SL. But I learned my dear friend was going through a rough time. She was hurting, and I was the asshole who left her. She doesn't see it that way, but I still repent. It was my desire to be by her side that made me install firestorm and log in. I wanted to be there for her. I am driven by my need to protect others. I was always told it was my best quality. A guardian. I always knew this because it is how I distracted myself from my own pain, was focusing on others and helping them. I
This is why I am back. Despite what my sarcastic profile may say, I came back to be with the people who truly worried and missed me. I came back to help people through their pain. Because Second Life is toxic. There are too many people here who will use, abuse and take advantage of you. There are too many people here who thrive on the drama, the mind games and will constantly put their needs in front of others. I helped myself by stepping away. It did wonders. Now I am here to be the pillar for my friends.I know drama will come my way. I know there are many people who wished I just died, or stayed offline. I know for a fact people will come after me or spread rumors..but luckily, I give no fucks. If I can bring the smiles on their faces, then it is worth the risk.
Spike. Cyrus. Rogue. Rik.
Thank you for being my true friends.
Until next time,
Yu Exonar
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