Accountability

I've been listening to a lot of Eminem to channel any negative feelings I've been having. I usually play it while I drive to work and my walk to the building. I really respect him as an artist and even more so as a person. You see, he started from no where and built himself up. He used his raw talent, determination and took his misfortune to weave it into success. He got where he was not by stepping on the heads of those who helped him, but by continuously honoring the people who made it possible. It's easy to get ahead by stepping on others. It's easy to get power, popularity by pissing on those who are no longer useful, or who have decided to hold their own opinion. However, this article is not going to focus on that. My focus today is a word I love very much. A word I hold myself to.

Accountability.

For those of you lacking in vocabulary lessons, accountability is when you take responsibility for your words and actions. Easier said than done naturally. I am sure many people would rather sit back and blame it on anyone else rather than their own self. I however, have learned a great deal of stepping up and taking accountability. Fuck, I am the first person to admit when I was wrong. It's liberating for the soul and more importantly, I do not have to sit back and whine what others do or say to me anymore.

Life gets boring when you blame everyone but yourself. It gets meaningless when it seems the world is against you and you are the poor martyr always being targeted. It is even more pathetic when you use the same excuses over and over for your actions like some horrible handicap. It makes me yawn. Self improvement is the key step to happiness, but I guess it is easier to recline and blame everyone else while riding the pity train, and yet somehow continue to act pious in it all.

However nothing is permanent. As Buddha taught us. All things don’t last forever. Your sufferings and even your successes don’t come with you forever. So while you may be sitting pretty now, know that it won't last and at the end of the day we all have to look in the mirror and face ourselves.

Hell, I'll face myself right now. Like my idol I will throw all my shit out there and let people judge me on my face. I've always been called black and white with people. Because I believe in being honest and upfront. I will not create a gray area and let you think I like you to get ahead. Nor will I stay in the gray area and passively aggressively cry about how "bullied" I am when I know I brought some of it on myself.

Hi. I'm Yu.
1. I tend to be blunt, this comes off as rude.
2. I do not pretend to be anyones bff the moment I meet them, this comes off as rude.
3. I do not kiss asses, this comes off as rude.
4. I can be moody, probably from the steriods I constantly pump into my body.
5. People have to earn my respect, people don't like to work for it, therefore I am rude.
6. I have ran away from my problems before.
7. I have apologized to anyone I let down without blinking or being forced to. 
8. I used to make excuses for my actions.
9. I have thrown hurtful words at people just to make them cry.
10. I have physically hurt people.

I was a violent, angry drug addict who had no direction and wanted to step on anyone in my way.
Now I am a tolerant, patient, and sometimes pissy man who believes in people owning up to their shit.
You may not like how I roll with my attitude, but you can guarantee if you come to me and tell me I have hurt you, I will be the first to apologize and realize my mistakes. I am an adult.

However some people cannot do this. Even if they know they are wrong they will always screw it to be your fault. How DARE you be angry at them! They're perfect. They're always the victim. The Martyr strikes again! However, these people should take a close look at themselves. Are people constantly leaving their lives? Are people suddenly "turning" on them for no reason? Is EVERYONE ELSE but them an inconsiderate asshole? Probably not. The world is not always against you. And if you continue to drive people away you must stop and think to yourself: Why do people keep walking away? Why do people keep betraying me?

Take a good look in the mirror. The friends I have made are few, but have stuck with me for a very long time. I do not give them a reason to walk away. I take accountability when I mess up. I do not get mad and tell them to fuck off because their opinion isn't always shared with me. Therefore if you feel like people are always out to get you, think why.

It's one thing if strangers hate you, they're sheep riding the hate train. However if it is the people you once called friends turning their back on you? I'd take some time and reflect on what I am doing wrong. Because the martyr game gets old. People see right through it. And frankly, it's boring as shit.

Signed,

Yu.

I used to be the type of kid that would always think the sky is falling
Now I think the fact that I'm differently wired's awesome
'Cause if I wasn't I wouldn't be able to work
Words like this and connect lines like crosswords
And use my enemy's words as strength
To try and draw from, and get inspired off em