Today.. I had to do something I haven't done in a long time.
The news hit me like a wave, and I was unable to comprehend let alone let it sink in. It was this past Friday I found out she died, Jane. I remember I had to DJ then, but I was too focused just to get through the day to not think about it. Subconsciously though I think it has been eating at me. I've been irrational and emotional during the day and drunk at night the past two days. It was today I finally had to face it all.
I'll give you all some background. My first couple years in the USA were unbearable. I could barely speak English, I was bullied and overall felt very alone. Yet there was one classmate who took me in. Kyle was my best friend growing up..and his mother, Jane had become something like a surrogate. She was full of life, and had many "adopted" sons roaming her house. We weren't bad kids, but we were hard to understand and often got in trouble. Those years of my youth were less painful with that family, I had a friend who cared enough for me to let me be apart of his life.
Sadly once high school was over.. I was already transforming in that ugly person I often referred to myself as and we lost touch. There was a huge gap where I have not seen or spoken to my once good friend. I heard tidbits of news now and then and worried about him..but I never appreciated him enough. I never took time to see him when I should of, and I am sure he felt the same. We were once best friends who lost touch..and the reason was simply because our lives took us elsewhere. Course as time went on, the news of his mother became worse and worse. Jane's husband left her for her best friend..and then the spiral happened.
I feel mostly for my friend, who loved his family so much but had to watch as his mother give up on living. I am sad to say the woman who gave me so much to me and many others, could not find the will to fight on. She let her depression and sadness bring her into a state where she did not want help. She drank heavily, so much to where it eventually killed her. The doctors told her that most of her liver was destroyed, and her kidneys were no longer working. We like to believe people die of old age, or health complications..but for Jane, it was her own sadness that eventually made her give up on life. She was a loving woman, she remained friends with the two people who betrayed her.. but I suppose we all knew deep down it was killing her slowly. She had requested to be taken off the machines that fought to keep her living. I could not make it to the hospital that day, but according to my friends who did go..she told them all she was "ready" to die..and she was happy.
I don't know what hurts more. Thinking of the inner turmoil she felt, or the fact she no longer had the will to live, despite of her children. Life hands us many challenges, and we all have a choice. We can either be so self absorbed and wrapped in our own sadness to let it get to us..or focus on those around us whom we want to continue living for. I still don't know how to form a solid opinion of this. Is it fair to make someone continue on because you don't want to let them go? Are they wrong for being so sad that they couldn't continue?
Either way.. I had a lot of time to contemplate these things today. Finally seeing my old friend was both a shock and comfort and we embraced like long lost brothers. Time had change our appearance but not our feelings. Neither of us cried, but just continued to stroll around the grounds..one cigarette after the other, reminiscing our childhood. I think it was nice for both of us to laugh a little bit. I believe there will be no funeral, instead we had a celebration of life..and as I wandered those beautiful seven acres I got to examine myself a little bit. Of course the conclusions I have come to, I will keep to myself. After all, this is not about me.
I hope where ever you are Jane, you are finally happy and at peace. I promise to be a better friend to your son, and I am sure one day we will meet again.
Love,
Yu.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
Imaginary Illness' on SL
This is always been something on my mind for a long time. Always something I've been annoyed with. So I am about to ask you all a loaded and very controversial question:
How many "sick" people do you know on SL?
There are a lot of people on SL for several reasons, and I realize there are many people with conditions that make it that they are stuck at home, cannot work and otherwise only have SL to maintain a social life. I will not doubt there are many people with real problems who are here amongst us. Yet it gets ridiculous when I hear the typical ones by many people, who honestly I believe are just attention seeking whores.
I will cite my skepticism by someone whom I first known on SL. I have given his initial many times on this blog, titled C. You see, he is someone who would not let me, or anyone else forget how sick and dying he was. He always talked about his pain..and I fell for it. It was how he controlled people around him. He used it as an excuse to be a jerk, used it as blackmail to keep people around him and most of it he used it to fuel my guilt. It was not until later that I found that wasn't very sick at all. Hell, his own roommate admitted that he lied about a lot of things.
Course I will not focus on all the lies. I want to focus on the sick thing. I am so disgusted by the amount of people who do this.I have heard stories of people claiming to be sick on one alt, but then playing on another while said alt is "in the hospital getting chemo." Another example is when I encountered someone being rude to one off my staff members one day, and IMed him and told him not to insult my staff in my club. His response?
"FUCK YOU I HAVE CANCER."
..and? You think I honestly care about your imaginary cancer? Yes, I said imaginary, because I am way past giving people the benefit of the doubt on here. It's a sad truth, but I know (for the most part) how true cancer, terminally ill, chronically ill people behave. In most cases, including myself, people who are sick do not like to talk about it let alone spread it around. Why? The pity, the attention, the questions.. it becomes too much. People who are truly sick work to not dwell on it but live through it, past it..and usually like to keep it private. I myself have disclosed the details of my RL and my life to the right people and friends, I never broadcast my struggles nor ask for pity. It's not my style, nor is it not the style of people I know who are legitimately ill.
But if you're an lying attention whore? Well all those sorrys, asspats and huggles must make you feel FANTASTIC. Forget the fact you are lying, using your so-called friends, manipulating their emotions, hell making them cry over you when all you are is just healthy as a horse and feeding from the attention. These people especially use it as an excuse to act like an ass as well. "Well I'm sick, I don't care what I say or do." Even if they were really sick, no one has an excuse to act out like an immature prat or a bully. The best thing about these people is that eventually they are not hard to figure out. They're always claiming to be dying, but they're always somehow online to make miraculous overnight recoveries...or you ask them about their illness and they seem to stumble.
Again, I know this may get negative reviews. "Omg Yu, how dare you question them! What if they really are sick?" ...Yeah? You know how many times I don't even want to open my mouth because of what people say and think? Since there are so many people who fake their diseases here online, I myself am faced with doubt, therefore I honestly don't bother talking about it. Ever. Those who employ me get the gist when I have to take a leave..my most loved ones know everything, otherwise it's no ones goddamn business. I'm not here to make people feel sad, I'm here to share friendship and adventures.
I'm not saying do not support your friends. Again I know there are several people who are sick and have opened up to share it. It takes a brave soul to, and it takes great friends to be there for you. Yet just be wary of those alts that seem to revolve their world..and your world around their sickness.
So a word to the wise, I would like to remind all those who do claim to be sick to be careful, because any funds, donations or whatever things you may receive? That's fraud and a felony in pretty much every country. Also karma has quite the sense of humor..keep pretending you have some sort if terminal disease and you may just get what you wish for.
Until next time,
Yu
How many "sick" people do you know on SL?
There are a lot of people on SL for several reasons, and I realize there are many people with conditions that make it that they are stuck at home, cannot work and otherwise only have SL to maintain a social life. I will not doubt there are many people with real problems who are here amongst us. Yet it gets ridiculous when I hear the typical ones by many people, who honestly I believe are just attention seeking whores.
I will cite my skepticism by someone whom I first known on SL. I have given his initial many times on this blog, titled C. You see, he is someone who would not let me, or anyone else forget how sick and dying he was. He always talked about his pain..and I fell for it. It was how he controlled people around him. He used it as an excuse to be a jerk, used it as blackmail to keep people around him and most of it he used it to fuel my guilt. It was not until later that I found that wasn't very sick at all. Hell, his own roommate admitted that he lied about a lot of things.
Course I will not focus on all the lies. I want to focus on the sick thing. I am so disgusted by the amount of people who do this.I have heard stories of people claiming to be sick on one alt, but then playing on another while said alt is "in the hospital getting chemo." Another example is when I encountered someone being rude to one off my staff members one day, and IMed him and told him not to insult my staff in my club. His response?
"FUCK YOU I HAVE CANCER."
..and? You think I honestly care about your imaginary cancer? Yes, I said imaginary, because I am way past giving people the benefit of the doubt on here. It's a sad truth, but I know (for the most part) how true cancer, terminally ill, chronically ill people behave. In most cases, including myself, people who are sick do not like to talk about it let alone spread it around. Why? The pity, the attention, the questions.. it becomes too much. People who are truly sick work to not dwell on it but live through it, past it..and usually like to keep it private. I myself have disclosed the details of my RL and my life to the right people and friends, I never broadcast my struggles nor ask for pity. It's not my style, nor is it not the style of people I know who are legitimately ill.
But if you're an lying attention whore? Well all those sorrys, asspats and huggles must make you feel FANTASTIC. Forget the fact you are lying, using your so-called friends, manipulating their emotions, hell making them cry over you when all you are is just healthy as a horse and feeding from the attention. These people especially use it as an excuse to act like an ass as well. "Well I'm sick, I don't care what I say or do." Even if they were really sick, no one has an excuse to act out like an immature prat or a bully. The best thing about these people is that eventually they are not hard to figure out. They're always claiming to be dying, but they're always somehow online to make miraculous overnight recoveries...or you ask them about their illness and they seem to stumble.
Again, I know this may get negative reviews. "Omg Yu, how dare you question them! What if they really are sick?" ...Yeah? You know how many times I don't even want to open my mouth because of what people say and think? Since there are so many people who fake their diseases here online, I myself am faced with doubt, therefore I honestly don't bother talking about it. Ever. Those who employ me get the gist when I have to take a leave..my most loved ones know everything, otherwise it's no ones goddamn business. I'm not here to make people feel sad, I'm here to share friendship and adventures.
I'm not saying do not support your friends. Again I know there are several people who are sick and have opened up to share it. It takes a brave soul to, and it takes great friends to be there for you. Yet just be wary of those alts that seem to revolve their world..and your world around their sickness.
So a word to the wise, I would like to remind all those who do claim to be sick to be careful, because any funds, donations or whatever things you may receive? That's fraud and a felony in pretty much every country. Also karma has quite the sense of humor..keep pretending you have some sort if terminal disease and you may just get what you wish for.
Until next time,
Yu
Friday, September 21, 2012
Gays and Gossip
Title got your attention?
Of course all types of people perform gossip. Yet I will not lie it seems very prominent in our happy little gay community on Second Life. While one may think there are many gay people on SL, it is actually relatively small. Most likely when you meet someone new he is already acquainted with one or more people from your friends list. I guess I could say that we are our own high school within the world of Second Life.
I noticed this when I took a break on my alt to explore. I kept my alt out of the gay community and did other activities. Granted there was drama but there seems to be much more options open if you choose not to restrict yourself to just gay sims and gay clubs. It was actually quite peaceful and now and then I log onto him to just rather enjoy the solace I get. I love exploring sims, and its easier done when doing it on an alt when no one is IMing you with crap like "Theres no DJ!" "We need dancers" "Yu so and so says you're a dick."
And there we go. It happens. Everywhere I go, every time I log onto Second Life or facebook I am hearing some sort of gossip. Sometimes it's not related to me at all. Usually if that happens I laugh it off, may pass it to my best friend but then leave it at that. I'm not huge on spreading gossip, I don't feel the need to tell everyone on my goddamn list. Yet other times it makes the full circle. So for example, I do or say something to someone. They get butt hurt and go to their circle and cry and whine what a bitch I am, of course since a lot gays can't keep their mouths shut, it comes back to me. Funny right? I thought what is most funny is that after something so small, so insignificant caused such a huge fuss. Makes me wonder.
You must have a ton of time on your hands.
Or you just love me.
I think I might conclude that. If they all have time to talk about me, they must secretly love me. I am after all living rent-free inside their heads and hearts. I think what kills me the most, is the person who was so disturbed by what I said did not have the guts to tell me. Course, defriending me and crying about it is the more mature response? I guess I am one of the few people who like to be confronted. I like talking about things, even more so to clear up understands; but then again I will quote one of my most beloved "haters," who once said "It is fun to hate you." Well, there you go folks. I just wish they hate me to my face, that's more fun then childish gossip, right?
C'mon folks, this isn't gossip girl. Mmm though I do love me a Bass. And I am sure it would be easy for someone to make a blog and pick up the role of our own version....hmm. Yeah no.
Gossip is actually detrimental, to the weak minded. Personally I am not swayed by it. For instance someone close to me does not like one of my friends. Well, did not like, they eventually just got over a past tiff. (You see what happens when you just IM the prick?) But despite how he felt about my friend, I did not change my opinion. My friend didn't personally hurt me, why should I suddenly join his "hate" club when he did nothing to me?
Ahhhh...sadly again not everyone is like this. I have lost friends over gossip and misunderstandings. Then again nothing can be done when people are easily influenced by poison, and some people just relish in hate. I guess they will understand one day. When you surround yourself with poison and poisonous friends, you too become the same poison. Until you are burned by your so called friends, do you realize. Well lucky for some of my lost "friends" I have not betrayed their secrets or pasts to anyone, and not just because I'm such a good person...it's because I honestly don't give a fuck.
Your SL is your SL. Do what you want. Use your account how you want. Lie how you want. Obsess over the people you dislike.
Just remember though, if you feel the need to gossip or hate on someone, try something different and actually IMing the person whom your lips keep talking about. I'm sure it'll be 10x more interesting than your coddle of friends saying "yeah" "that's right" "so true." Course, that might be asking some people to grow a pair, and I know for a fact THAT is asking for too much.
Until next time,
- Yu
{Mood: Waking up}
{Music: ONE OK ROCK 「アンサイズニア]}
Of course all types of people perform gossip. Yet I will not lie it seems very prominent in our happy little gay community on Second Life. While one may think there are many gay people on SL, it is actually relatively small. Most likely when you meet someone new he is already acquainted with one or more people from your friends list. I guess I could say that we are our own high school within the world of Second Life.
I noticed this when I took a break on my alt to explore. I kept my alt out of the gay community and did other activities. Granted there was drama but there seems to be much more options open if you choose not to restrict yourself to just gay sims and gay clubs. It was actually quite peaceful and now and then I log onto him to just rather enjoy the solace I get. I love exploring sims, and its easier done when doing it on an alt when no one is IMing you with crap like "Theres no DJ!" "We need dancers" "Yu so and so says you're a dick."
And there we go. It happens. Everywhere I go, every time I log onto Second Life or facebook I am hearing some sort of gossip. Sometimes it's not related to me at all. Usually if that happens I laugh it off, may pass it to my best friend but then leave it at that. I'm not huge on spreading gossip, I don't feel the need to tell everyone on my goddamn list. Yet other times it makes the full circle. So for example, I do or say something to someone. They get butt hurt and go to their circle and cry and whine what a bitch I am, of course since a lot gays can't keep their mouths shut, it comes back to me. Funny right? I thought what is most funny is that after something so small, so insignificant caused such a huge fuss. Makes me wonder.
You must have a ton of time on your hands.
Or you just love me.
I think I might conclude that. If they all have time to talk about me, they must secretly love me. I am after all living rent-free inside their heads and hearts. I think what kills me the most, is the person who was so disturbed by what I said did not have the guts to tell me. Course, defriending me and crying about it is the more mature response? I guess I am one of the few people who like to be confronted. I like talking about things, even more so to clear up understands; but then again I will quote one of my most beloved "haters," who once said "It is fun to hate you." Well, there you go folks. I just wish they hate me to my face, that's more fun then childish gossip, right?
Gossip is actually detrimental, to the weak minded. Personally I am not swayed by it. For instance someone close to me does not like one of my friends. Well, did not like, they eventually just got over a past tiff. (You see what happens when you just IM the prick?) But despite how he felt about my friend, I did not change my opinion. My friend didn't personally hurt me, why should I suddenly join his "hate" club when he did nothing to me?
Ahhhh...sadly again not everyone is like this. I have lost friends over gossip and misunderstandings. Then again nothing can be done when people are easily influenced by poison, and some people just relish in hate. I guess they will understand one day. When you surround yourself with poison and poisonous friends, you too become the same poison. Until you are burned by your so called friends, do you realize. Well lucky for some of my lost "friends" I have not betrayed their secrets or pasts to anyone, and not just because I'm such a good person...it's because I honestly don't give a fuck.
Your SL is your SL. Do what you want. Use your account how you want. Lie how you want. Obsess over the people you dislike.
Just remember though, if you feel the need to gossip or hate on someone, try something different and actually IMing the person whom your lips keep talking about. I'm sure it'll be 10x more interesting than your coddle of friends saying "yeah" "that's right" "so true." Course, that might be asking some people to grow a pair, and I know for a fact THAT is asking for too much.
Until next time,
- Yu
{Mood: Waking up}
{Music: ONE OK ROCK 「アンサイズニア]}
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Meaning of Friendship
Well, I suppose you guys were expecting me to be posting from the other side of the world. Yet here I am, sitting in the same house, the same desk and enjoying a late night cigarette.
You see, though I can never call myself a true religious person, I do believe there are powers in the universe greater than us. Fate. Karma. Whatever you wish to call it. Things happen for a reason. Of course I will admit I did not enjoy finding out last minute with my bags packed at the airport..that my trip would not be a wise choice. I will not go into details, but because I have not finished certain procedures here in the USA, if I was to leave now, my chances of being able to re-enter would be difficult and slim. Therefore I cancelled my trip and I am given the opportunity to find work here and remain here. So in the end, I am getting what I want. Though I eased my friends earlier when I said medical advances in Japan were relatively the same is the USA..this was a slight white lie. USA healthcare still dominates. Yet enough of that.
I want to give my thoughts on friendship. I am always wondering what makes a good friend. Over time I have slowly come to understand that friends come in all shapes and sizes but they all carry one special element: they are there for you.
True friendships are not disposable. No matter how much you may disagree sometimes, or no matter how much you fight, you cannot simply let go. Friends are not toys. They were not there to amuse you when you are alone or bored and to be later abandoned when you are feeling good about something or someone else. It is something I have learned as I have gained new friends and relationships. Just because I have connected with one person, does not mean I should disconnect with the friend that were there before who was always encouraging me. This especially holds true in relationships.
They say relationships come and go, but friends are forever. Even though I may think I have found happiness in some place, I could never forget my friends that held me up when I was alone, betrayed or felt abandoned. In fact I would love to share my happiness, instead of selfishly hoard it while saying "fuck the rest, I got what I need." But the question is, do you? Life is not so predictable. I find that if I suddenly relished in my current happiness and told my old friends to take a hike, karma would bitchslap me back into place, like it has done many times. Cause the moment life rips that happiness away, or that relationship goes sour, who will I have to turn to? Could I call myself a good person if I stomped on my friends? Could I honestly run back to them and cry?
If I was that type of person, probably not. Eventually people get tired of that. Friends are to be there, to be loved and respected in the good and bad times..not just when they are convenient. They fight for you. They love you and lastly..they cry for you. When you get in a fight with a friend, do you not feel sad because you wish to continue to fight for your friendship? I've done this with some of my closest friends. They know me and my temper, but even in the middle of the fight I break down and admit that I don't want to fight. I love them, and that I don't mean it. Then again, I have a guilty conscious. My friend Spike could admit to this. I will be in the middle of yelling over something stupid but then later, not five minutes later I'm like "...sorry." In which he usually responds, "I know b."
Because at the end of the day, most arguments and tempers and yelling is over something so stupid, so petty it not worth losing your friend over. Especially the type of friends who will throw themselves in harms way for you. Especially for friends who will fight for you. Yet as I watch other people waste their friends away selfishly, only thinking of themselves..it only encourages me to cherish my friends more and to do better. Our friendship is worth it, they are worth it.
Even though I am content and happy now, I know one day I will be sad and distraught. I will be feeling alone, so who will be there to pick me up? My friends of course, because I let them know every chance I get that they are loved and not forgotten. My happiness is their happiness.
Until next time,
- Yu
You see, though I can never call myself a true religious person, I do believe there are powers in the universe greater than us. Fate. Karma. Whatever you wish to call it. Things happen for a reason. Of course I will admit I did not enjoy finding out last minute with my bags packed at the airport..that my trip would not be a wise choice. I will not go into details, but because I have not finished certain procedures here in the USA, if I was to leave now, my chances of being able to re-enter would be difficult and slim. Therefore I cancelled my trip and I am given the opportunity to find work here and remain here. So in the end, I am getting what I want. Though I eased my friends earlier when I said medical advances in Japan were relatively the same is the USA..this was a slight white lie. USA healthcare still dominates. Yet enough of that.
I want to give my thoughts on friendship. I am always wondering what makes a good friend. Over time I have slowly come to understand that friends come in all shapes and sizes but they all carry one special element: they are there for you.
True friendships are not disposable. No matter how much you may disagree sometimes, or no matter how much you fight, you cannot simply let go. Friends are not toys. They were not there to amuse you when you are alone or bored and to be later abandoned when you are feeling good about something or someone else. It is something I have learned as I have gained new friends and relationships. Just because I have connected with one person, does not mean I should disconnect with the friend that were there before who was always encouraging me. This especially holds true in relationships.
They say relationships come and go, but friends are forever. Even though I may think I have found happiness in some place, I could never forget my friends that held me up when I was alone, betrayed or felt abandoned. In fact I would love to share my happiness, instead of selfishly hoard it while saying "fuck the rest, I got what I need." But the question is, do you? Life is not so predictable. I find that if I suddenly relished in my current happiness and told my old friends to take a hike, karma would bitchslap me back into place, like it has done many times. Cause the moment life rips that happiness away, or that relationship goes sour, who will I have to turn to? Could I call myself a good person if I stomped on my friends? Could I honestly run back to them and cry?
If I was that type of person, probably not. Eventually people get tired of that. Friends are to be there, to be loved and respected in the good and bad times..not just when they are convenient. They fight for you. They love you and lastly..they cry for you. When you get in a fight with a friend, do you not feel sad because you wish to continue to fight for your friendship? I've done this with some of my closest friends. They know me and my temper, but even in the middle of the fight I break down and admit that I don't want to fight. I love them, and that I don't mean it. Then again, I have a guilty conscious. My friend Spike could admit to this. I will be in the middle of yelling over something stupid but then later, not five minutes later I'm like "...sorry." In which he usually responds, "I know b."
Because at the end of the day, most arguments and tempers and yelling is over something so stupid, so petty it not worth losing your friend over. Especially the type of friends who will throw themselves in harms way for you. Especially for friends who will fight for you. Yet as I watch other people waste their friends away selfishly, only thinking of themselves..it only encourages me to cherish my friends more and to do better. Our friendship is worth it, they are worth it.
Even though I am content and happy now, I know one day I will be sad and distraught. I will be feeling alone, so who will be there to pick me up? My friends of course, because I let them know every chance I get that they are loved and not forgotten. My happiness is their happiness.
Until next time,
- Yu
Monday, September 17, 2012
Time for Battle
Hey all, a few announcements before I get to the reason of the title. First off I will be leaving the USA this coming Wednesday and going to Japan. Again I am not sure my exact working schedule yet, but I should be able to get online. (Not as much though.) If all goes well I will be returning in February!
Now I never done a DJ battle, but I think it's time I do one shall I? And who better with than with Cyrus. We are two different styles but I know we will both be bringing our A-Game so here are the details.
WHEN: Tuesday September 18th
TIME: 2-6 pm SLT
WHERE: Club Se>en
Schedule:
Hour One: DJ Cyrus
Hour Two: DJ Yu
Hour Three: DJ Cy, DJ Yu ---- Voting round.
Hour Four: Victory Hour by Winner
Voting:
Voting will be done via the voting board (not tips.) This will encourage everyone to vote without pressuring people to spend a ton of linden. Though our tip boards will be out and we will appreciate any coming our way.
Prizes:
This event will be sponsored by .RoTtEn DeFiAnCe.
Prizes from the store will be given out at random just for being there!
Super Sploder:
Randomly me and other staff members will put in 250 or more into the sploder for a Super Sploder! Giving you the chance to win big!
It's tomorrow and it's going to be amped. So put on party clothes and get ready to dance your ass off.
Who will you vote for?
Who will win?
That's for YOU to decide..
Now I never done a DJ battle, but I think it's time I do one shall I? And who better with than with Cyrus. We are two different styles but I know we will both be bringing our A-Game so here are the details.
WHEN: Tuesday September 18th
TIME: 2-6 pm SLT
WHERE: Club Se>en
Schedule:
Hour One: DJ Cyrus
Hour Two: DJ Yu
Hour Three: DJ Cy, DJ Yu ---- Voting round.
Hour Four: Victory Hour by Winner
Voting:
Voting will be done via the voting board (not tips.) This will encourage everyone to vote without pressuring people to spend a ton of linden. Though our tip boards will be out and we will appreciate any coming our way.
Prizes:
This event will be sponsored by .RoTtEn DeFiAnCe.
Prizes from the store will be given out at random just for being there!
Super Sploder:
Randomly me and other staff members will put in 250 or more into the sploder for a Super Sploder! Giving you the chance to win big!
It's tomorrow and it's going to be amped. So put on party clothes and get ready to dance your ass off.
Who will you vote for?
Who will win?
That's for YOU to decide..
Friday, September 14, 2012
The Saga Continues
Well folks I did promise a continuation of my narrative, which I will in just a minute. First I would like to say a small disclaimer. During my narration I be using initials and never full names. Those I do name fully have given me their consent and mainly because this narrative will not reflect them negatively.
Granted if some of the readers do end up finding out who the mentioned people are, I will hold no responsibility since I did not disclose names. Furthermore, just like real life people need to understand that we all have reputations. Reputations do not disappear as easily on SL as they do RL. The more people you step on, word will get around until you are left with just yourself.
----------------------------------------------
It was the rise of a new clan. It was always the three of us. Myself, C, and CW. At this time I did not know how close CW was to C, but they were always together. C even tried to hook me up with CW but I was not interested in nekos let alone his whole promiscuity. Yet being friends seemed to suffice. Being still new I did not know anything about getting land or sims or whatnot. Yet what seemed in a few days I began to recognize odd behavior from C. Even though him and his partner had broken up he was still not planning to partner with me. Course I did not think twice about it until I saw him begin to spend time with certain people.
The one I remember vividly was a boy named R. It wasn't long before this boy was in C's arms and buying everything. He bought our new sim, our new castle and everything with it. Not understanding the situation I was just angry and hated everything about the little shit. It was not long before their relationship ended. I was not surprised, C was sleeping with everyone under the sun and R stopped showing up. Ironically the moment R left our little "family" or sim also disappeared. Course I was not putting two and two together. It wasn't later until something similar happened with Y and then later a guy named Z. All the while I was foolishly, helplessly in love with this monster.
There was not a day his temper got the best of him and I would be yelled at or put down. Other says of course he would continue to quote how sick he is and that he is dying. I was completely reeled in. Meanwhile though Z was sticking around and funding nearly everything. This time, he would continue to stick around and we would get settled enough to create a failed club. This is where my DJing began though and as days passed I became more distant with C and his flunkies and went out to the outside world to get involved with an ex of mine. I will not speak much about him for the moment, because I did have a lot of feelings for him at the time and he helped keep me sane.The more I distanced myself from C the more I began to notice just what a whore he was. He claimed he slept with them to get money, but I know he was sleeping with them just because.
You're probably wondering when Spike is going to show in the picture. Don't worry folks that is coming soon. I left a lot of details out prior to him. Like our former King. Our old escort service and club Pharaoh, but my memory is sadly not that great. Don't worry, next time I get into this it should be more exciting.
----------------------------------------
Next Journal I will be bringing some news about my upcoming move and also I will be doing a Q and A. That means anyone can ask me a question and I will be answering them.
Questions can be submitted via IM (notecard if I am offline) to Yu Exonar. They can also be submitted via facebook messages or in the comment section below.
Until next time,
- Yu
Granted if some of the readers do end up finding out who the mentioned people are, I will hold no responsibility since I did not disclose names. Furthermore, just like real life people need to understand that we all have reputations. Reputations do not disappear as easily on SL as they do RL. The more people you step on, word will get around until you are left with just yourself.
----------------------------------------------
It was the rise of a new clan. It was always the three of us. Myself, C, and CW. At this time I did not know how close CW was to C, but they were always together. C even tried to hook me up with CW but I was not interested in nekos let alone his whole promiscuity. Yet being friends seemed to suffice. Being still new I did not know anything about getting land or sims or whatnot. Yet what seemed in a few days I began to recognize odd behavior from C. Even though him and his partner had broken up he was still not planning to partner with me. Course I did not think twice about it until I saw him begin to spend time with certain people.
The one I remember vividly was a boy named R. It wasn't long before this boy was in C's arms and buying everything. He bought our new sim, our new castle and everything with it. Not understanding the situation I was just angry and hated everything about the little shit. It was not long before their relationship ended. I was not surprised, C was sleeping with everyone under the sun and R stopped showing up. Ironically the moment R left our little "family" or sim also disappeared. Course I was not putting two and two together. It wasn't later until something similar happened with Y and then later a guy named Z. All the while I was foolishly, helplessly in love with this monster.
There was not a day his temper got the best of him and I would be yelled at or put down. Other says of course he would continue to quote how sick he is and that he is dying. I was completely reeled in. Meanwhile though Z was sticking around and funding nearly everything. This time, he would continue to stick around and we would get settled enough to create a failed club. This is where my DJing began though and as days passed I became more distant with C and his flunkies and went out to the outside world to get involved with an ex of mine. I will not speak much about him for the moment, because I did have a lot of feelings for him at the time and he helped keep me sane.The more I distanced myself from C the more I began to notice just what a whore he was. He claimed he slept with them to get money, but I know he was sleeping with them just because.
You're probably wondering when Spike is going to show in the picture. Don't worry folks that is coming soon. I left a lot of details out prior to him. Like our former King. Our old escort service and club Pharaoh, but my memory is sadly not that great. Don't worry, next time I get into this it should be more exciting.
----------------------------------------
Next Journal I will be bringing some news about my upcoming move and also I will be doing a Q and A. That means anyone can ask me a question and I will be answering them.
Questions can be submitted via IM (notecard if I am offline) to Yu Exonar. They can also be submitted via facebook messages or in the comment section below.
Until next time,
- Yu
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Dealing with Tantrums
I was not planning on writing this soon. Yet most bloggers know that they write when something is on their mind. And this is exactly what I am doing right now. I am not happy to write this but I feel like this is a good way to express myself and convey to others what they should do in these kinds of situations.
You see, today I was the victim of another users tantrum. To be honest I am not sure what triggered it. The user was a facebook friend of random one day. It was not until later that I found out he was the alt of someone I used to know. Of course, that is none of my business so I said "huh" and moved on. It wasn't until today that they decided to attack and say I can't hold anything over their head. Funny thing was, I never did nor cared enough to. I was doing my thing. But if you want someone to blame, I guess go ahead and blame me. I've long made peace that in life, not everyone will like me. That is okay. I do me, you do you.
What bothered me is then this user used facebook and tagged me in their hate-filled posts. No one wants to be a part of that. No one wants to see that. Of course when I tried to get to the bottom of why they felt the need to bash me, they said because I was a dick and it was "fun to hate me." ...Okay. Yet can't you hate me in your own time? Or in my message box? Why must someone attack others in public. Don't you realize you're hurting yourself more by openly displaying your uglier side? Of course though I took the high road, wished them well and let them continue with their tantrum.
Its no different from what a child does, right? They scream and cry and kick and try everything to get a reaction out of you. Yet as an adult we cannot engage. We cannot stoop to their level. It's our job to be the mature ones. Though I tell you my friends, it was not easy but it was overall more satisfying. I did not sully myself in front of my friends and I never became a bully back. I honestly don't like bullies. Of course that raises the "but Yu, you're a jerk." quote I get a lot.
I will own up to that. I am not easy to get along with sometimes. I am brash, outspoken and dead honest and it rubs people the wrong the way. One thing I am not though is bully. I do not attack people. I think the times people see me at my worst is when my friends are being attacked, because I will stick up for them. Of course I will always man up to my own faults. It's a part of being an adult. It is something that I had to eventually learn. There are times I get angry too, there are times I go off when I shouldn't. Yet the times I do will always own up to my mistakes and take responsibility. It's good for the soul.I never flinch when I apologize.
I will let you guys know a little more about the real life me. I will admit I was not the best person in the world. I was forced to moved to America as a teenager and I hated it. I rebelled and became the worst type of person involved in some of the worst types of things. Though it is in the past and I have long been punished for my deeds, I am still not without guilt to the people I have hurt needlessly. Around the age of 21 I was smacked back into reality by karma. Karma had made me sick. I've been given my punishment and I am still living and struggling with my condition. Course I never feel sorry for myself. It has only given me the strength to try to be the better person.
So remember my SL readers and friends and comrades, if you ever find yourself in a position where you are angry or upset with someone, be sure to address them personally. Making it a public display is just debilitating and hurts everyone else around them. I respect the people who come to me in person, instead of showing passive aggression or blowing it up out of proportion. Again while it's nice to wish people share this maturity, it will not always be the case. So remember, lets take a moment. Breath. Count to ten.. and be the adult.
Until next time,
- Yu
You see, today I was the victim of another users tantrum. To be honest I am not sure what triggered it. The user was a facebook friend of random one day. It was not until later that I found out he was the alt of someone I used to know. Of course, that is none of my business so I said "huh" and moved on. It wasn't until today that they decided to attack and say I can't hold anything over their head. Funny thing was, I never did nor cared enough to. I was doing my thing. But if you want someone to blame, I guess go ahead and blame me. I've long made peace that in life, not everyone will like me. That is okay. I do me, you do you.
What bothered me is then this user used facebook and tagged me in their hate-filled posts. No one wants to be a part of that. No one wants to see that. Of course when I tried to get to the bottom of why they felt the need to bash me, they said because I was a dick and it was "fun to hate me." ...Okay. Yet can't you hate me in your own time? Or in my message box? Why must someone attack others in public. Don't you realize you're hurting yourself more by openly displaying your uglier side? Of course though I took the high road, wished them well and let them continue with their tantrum.
Its no different from what a child does, right? They scream and cry and kick and try everything to get a reaction out of you. Yet as an adult we cannot engage. We cannot stoop to their level. It's our job to be the mature ones. Though I tell you my friends, it was not easy but it was overall more satisfying. I did not sully myself in front of my friends and I never became a bully back. I honestly don't like bullies. Of course that raises the "but Yu, you're a jerk." quote I get a lot.
I will own up to that. I am not easy to get along with sometimes. I am brash, outspoken and dead honest and it rubs people the wrong the way. One thing I am not though is bully. I do not attack people. I think the times people see me at my worst is when my friends are being attacked, because I will stick up for them. Of course I will always man up to my own faults. It's a part of being an adult. It is something that I had to eventually learn. There are times I get angry too, there are times I go off when I shouldn't. Yet the times I do will always own up to my mistakes and take responsibility. It's good for the soul.I never flinch when I apologize.
I will let you guys know a little more about the real life me. I will admit I was not the best person in the world. I was forced to moved to America as a teenager and I hated it. I rebelled and became the worst type of person involved in some of the worst types of things. Though it is in the past and I have long been punished for my deeds, I am still not without guilt to the people I have hurt needlessly. Around the age of 21 I was smacked back into reality by karma. Karma had made me sick. I've been given my punishment and I am still living and struggling with my condition. Course I never feel sorry for myself. It has only given me the strength to try to be the better person.
So remember my SL readers and friends and comrades, if you ever find yourself in a position where you are angry or upset with someone, be sure to address them personally. Making it a public display is just debilitating and hurts everyone else around them. I respect the people who come to me in person, instead of showing passive aggression or blowing it up out of proportion. Again while it's nice to wish people share this maturity, it will not always be the case. So remember, lets take a moment. Breath. Count to ten.. and be the adult.
Until next time,
- Yu
Friday, September 7, 2012
Fearless in Pink
Has it been five days? I thought it was only a few. Oh well. I checked my blog status to see I have had 66 views. I have to give props to Spike on that I think. Yet oddly no comments or feedback. Even if your opinion is negative I'd love to hear it about it. Don't worry, I won't lose sleep over them. Haha.
Today's blog will be about well, assumptions, avatar style and my odd liking to pink. I don't just mean SL, I sport pink in RL like it's no ones business. Then again, I am part of a race where we can wear just about any color without being deemed "gay." My RL flame does not burn bright. People would have to have good gaydar or catch me slipping up in my speech, to know I am.
Now check this picture I took a few minutes ago:
There's my ass floating in my hot tub sporting my pink briefs and my pink heart glasses.
(Briefs are Ronsem and glasses are Kgs, currently available on a lucky board.)
I am proud to wear pink. I make it look good. Does this make me any more of a bitch? I'd like to think not but it really makes people assume what kind of person I am based on my avatar. Sad fact is, I have this problem with my own community, the gay community.
Now be honest, how many people so far have looked at me and immediately thought "twink" or "boi" or "bitch" etc. I cannot tell you how many IMs I have gotten in the past by some dominant master calling me by these terms. Of course being the even tempered person I am I respond by saying "BITCH YOU DON' KNOW ME!" ..Not really, but I do get snippy. You should never assume someone's role, sexual or not, based on looks alone. Course then I get the 'Well if you don't want to be treated like a twink, don't make your avatar look like one.' ..Seriously? I fashioned my avatar after my RL self. Because of my race I am skinny, not that tall and essentially do not have body hair. Yet do not mistake for a second that I'm going to just roll onto my stomach and take it.
I'm quite honestly tired of the stereotypes. But fine, if you want to assume I'm a bottom bitch..I can't stop you. It's the people that have the audacity to IM me. Especially masters. I don't judge you if you are in the D/S lifestyle, but do not put me in it. Not every gay man is willing to put a collar on, nor do they wish to own slaves. Usually people who are into that make it known via profiles or groups or tags. So yeah, I normally do flip a little when I get an IM of someone calling me a "boi". I'm a man dammit, and no less a stranger. I would never IM someone and be like "oh yeah baby, nice muscles, come tie me up." It sounds and looks ridiculous.
So lets think twice before we look at someone's appearance and go assuming. Cause I've seem some big bitches before and I am sure they don't appreciate being IMed all the time by "subs."
FYI. For all those curious,
Though I receive, I also give, and I tear asses up.
Next post will probably continue more of my history.
Until next time,
- Yu
Today's blog will be about well, assumptions, avatar style and my odd liking to pink. I don't just mean SL, I sport pink in RL like it's no ones business. Then again, I am part of a race where we can wear just about any color without being deemed "gay." My RL flame does not burn bright. People would have to have good gaydar or catch me slipping up in my speech, to know I am.
Now check this picture I took a few minutes ago:
There's my ass floating in my hot tub sporting my pink briefs and my pink heart glasses.
(Briefs are Ronsem and glasses are Kgs, currently available on a lucky board.)
I am proud to wear pink. I make it look good. Does this make me any more of a bitch? I'd like to think not but it really makes people assume what kind of person I am based on my avatar. Sad fact is, I have this problem with my own community, the gay community.
Now be honest, how many people so far have looked at me and immediately thought "twink" or "boi" or "bitch" etc. I cannot tell you how many IMs I have gotten in the past by some dominant master calling me by these terms. Of course being the even tempered person I am I respond by saying "BITCH YOU DON' KNOW ME!" ..Not really, but I do get snippy. You should never assume someone's role, sexual or not, based on looks alone. Course then I get the 'Well if you don't want to be treated like a twink, don't make your avatar look like one.' ..Seriously? I fashioned my avatar after my RL self. Because of my race I am skinny, not that tall and essentially do not have body hair. Yet do not mistake for a second that I'm going to just roll onto my stomach and take it.
I'm quite honestly tired of the stereotypes. But fine, if you want to assume I'm a bottom bitch..I can't stop you. It's the people that have the audacity to IM me. Especially masters. I don't judge you if you are in the D/S lifestyle, but do not put me in it. Not every gay man is willing to put a collar on, nor do they wish to own slaves. Usually people who are into that make it known via profiles or groups or tags. So yeah, I normally do flip a little when I get an IM of someone calling me a "boi". I'm a man dammit, and no less a stranger. I would never IM someone and be like "oh yeah baby, nice muscles, come tie me up." It sounds and looks ridiculous.
So lets think twice before we look at someone's appearance and go assuming. Cause I've seem some big bitches before and I am sure they don't appreciate being IMed all the time by "subs."
FYI. For all those curious,
Though I receive, I also give, and I tear asses up.
Next post will probably continue more of my history.
Until next time,
- Yu
Monday, September 3, 2012
SL's Most "Talented"
Well I'm back. The fact I am posting again is pretty damn amazing. Of course who would I be to wait too long to post something controversial, right? This entry will be in two parts. Part one will have to do with the title. Part two will continue with the saga of my SL life. Interesting right? Either way you can skip one part or both parts!
What do I mean by "talented?" Well lets see. Second Life gives us the opportunity to make our creative juices flow. We can assume all sorts of roles, we can also assume all sorts of titles. There are three titles that come to mind in which I will nitpick at. That is 1. Designers. 2. Photographers and 3. DJs.
All three of these "titles" I will call them get all sorts of attention. To be one of them gives you a sense of pride (I would hope.) But as I spoke to a friend earlier, I shall quote that there are many that do these things for the wrong reasons. Could there be a wrong reason? In my mind; absolutely. Think about it. These kinds of jobs or positions or hobbies all have to do with some sort of creative input. A designer puts time in making their clothes or items. A photographer will spend countless hours in Photoshop. A DJ will spend days compiling and selecting the perfect music for their next set. Now here is where I have a problem with many of these people:
Get your heads out of your own fucking asses.
That's right. So many people are doing this for popularity over the enjoyment of doing it. How can you tell? They're the people who nearly scream in their profile of how awesome they are. They are the people who put down other people in their same field. They're the people who think they're so goddamn perfect, no one else matters nor can anyone else surpass them. ...so, you got an ego huh? Let me bring some of you down a few notches shall I?
1. Designers:
Oh hey there. Make a new item of clothing? Does it look purty? Tell me, did you use a template? Or how about the textures? Did you personally Photoshop that or take it from Deviantart or Google? Is the idea original? Did you give credit to the people who made that piece of clothing possible? Even just a little side note? Did you just download a full-modded item and simply make a few changes? -- Ask yourself these questions and think twice before you have any right to judge someone else on their clothes or think you are the supreme designer. Many people "sell-out" and do it for a quick buck instead of taking time to make an actual piece of art.
2. Photographers
Granted, there are a LOT of talented photographers. And rarely do I see one photographer put down another. In fact, some of the most talented photographers I know are humble and kind. Its actually the less talented that seem to get a chip on their shoulder. Excuse me? You charge WHAT? And the background you used? Who made it? Cause I can bet you, most of you did not make that yourself. Any credits to the DA artist? Did you actually Photoshop it instead of one of those quick stop online editors? No? Enough said.
3. DJs
Of course I will be most critical here because this is what I am most familiar with. Yes, I am an SL "DJ", and I will use quotations because I am in the group of many "DJs" who well, are not actually DJs. Let me be more specific. I see myself as an okay, if not decent DJ. I stick to my own style. I'm always playing fresh beats. I interact with the crowd and use voice. But lets face it, me and so many of these other so called "DJs" aren't even genuine. That's right, myself included. I'm willing to admit that. We rip off remixes real DJ's have done. We form a playlist. We input some voice and voila! At the end of the day, how much "talent" do we have? Even to this day I could never fully brag of my "DJ" prowess, especially when I been to clubs with real DJs who not only mix their own music, but do it live. They have real equipment, real table turners. So it makes me wonder why..oh WHY are there so many DJs, (especially in the gay community) who think they are God's gift to music? Are you serious? There are mini divas out there who think their shit don't stink because they believe their playlist is better than someone else. Yeah? I've seen middle-school kids bitch over the same thing as they compare their Ipods on the school yard. I just love how some of you even charge for your mad "DJing" services.
Again, I am not angry at the fact this is how it is. So we use materials from others. I get it. It's just bothersome the power trip people get. Suddenly they feel like they are such good talent and it is okay to stomp on everyone else. Well sweet-cheeks, look around. I can guarantee some of the most humblest of designers, photographers and DJ's are some of the best. They don't need to brag. They're happy with what they do and that should be enough.
So before you look down on someone else in your field or brag of your superiority, I will ask you to think twice about what you really offer. Perhaps our SL may be a little more pleasant.
----------------------------------------------------------
Now continuing with my SL saga. I'd say after a few months of being promiscuous and over all shameful, I decided it was time to join a family That is where I met the infamous..C. Yes we will call him C. I met him at Tristar (go figure). He was a part of a Bloodlines Clan. It was not long before I was whisked into a world of vampires, slaves and overall large dose of WTF. It was led by a very eccentric and benevolent King who is still my very good friend. Sadly he is not around as often and only signs in to check on things.
The main focus was C though. He became everything to me. My maker, my mentor and consequently someone I would do everything for. In time our wonderful King stepped down, giving throne to C himself to create a new clan. Of course I was behind him 100%, even though I was shamefully diddling him behind his lover's back, with the promise he will leave him for me. (I know I was horrible and naive.) Let's just say that did not happen, as I would soon learn he needed his dear hubby for the funds, as he would for the next line of lucky men.
It goes without saying, he was the first step in my path to become the jerk I am today. At that time, I never thought that he could possibly be too good to be true. And in time I would learn how dark and twisted people can be on here.
Of course that is for another entry. See you next time.
- Yu
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Let's Begin
This will either be one of two things for ME:
1. A fantastic blog in which I am excited to post in with continuous feedback from readers.
2. A total failure piece of internet crap dribble which will be abandoned within a month.
This will be either one of three things for YOU:
1. A refreshing an amusing blog from the mind of an slightly neurotic gay Asian.
2. A crass and offensive piece of trash you can't stop reading our of sheer curiosity and self-loathing.
3. A crass and offensive piece of trash you'll write off from day one..or maybe a week later.
Shall we get started? For those of you reading my blog, you may or may not know me in the second life world. For those of you who know or heard of me, its likely you're not fond of me. This is okay. The one who so forth made an effort to make me out to be such an asshole is yours truly. Perhaps one day I will explain why.
Still interested?
I started this blog because I am finding myself with more time on my hands and a lot more things on my mind. Yet for my readers to understand the person I am now, it is only simple to start with the beginning . Yes? And by beginning I mean my SL one, not my RL. I will save the saga of my real life for much later entries. I am not entirely ready to expose myself to a bunch of anonymous readers who probably have their hands down their pants right now. Did I catch you? Stop that. Goddamn perverts.
Let's see...I started my Second Life like every other newbie. I quickly pasted together an avi I thought suitable for the time, turned on adult search and went cruising for wild, anonymous, ugly, freenis and just horrific pixel sex. It was to say the least ugly. Yet my curiosity and the amount of gay naked noobs wandering around Tristar was simply too irresistible in my eyes. Of course these days of cruising and looking for the next fix soon become drawl and pointless in my eyes. To say the least I was lonely and actually had no friends nor a family on SL.
Then I joined Blood Lines, like a goddamn idiot. Hahaha. No seriously, I think it put me on the path I am today. I will not bore you all with the whole story of how I got to where I am. This was meant to be an introduction of what I plan to be doing here on this blog. I will be posting things like:
1. A fantastic blog in which I am excited to post in with continuous feedback from readers.
2. A total failure piece of internet crap dribble which will be abandoned within a month.
This will be either one of three things for YOU:
1. A refreshing an amusing blog from the mind of an slightly neurotic gay Asian.
2. A crass and offensive piece of trash you can't stop reading our of sheer curiosity and self-loathing.
3. A crass and offensive piece of trash you'll write off from day one..or maybe a week later.
Shall we get started? For those of you reading my blog, you may or may not know me in the second life world. For those of you who know or heard of me, its likely you're not fond of me. This is okay. The one who so forth made an effort to make me out to be such an asshole is yours truly. Perhaps one day I will explain why.
Still interested?
I started this blog because I am finding myself with more time on my hands and a lot more things on my mind. Yet for my readers to understand the person I am now, it is only simple to start with the beginning . Yes? And by beginning I mean my SL one, not my RL. I will save the saga of my real life for much later entries. I am not entirely ready to expose myself to a bunch of anonymous readers who probably have their hands down their pants right now. Did I catch you? Stop that. Goddamn perverts.
Let's see...I started my Second Life like every other newbie. I quickly pasted together an avi I thought suitable for the time, turned on adult search and went cruising for wild, anonymous, ugly, freenis and just horrific pixel sex. It was to say the least ugly. Yet my curiosity and the amount of gay naked noobs wandering around Tristar was simply too irresistible in my eyes. Of course these days of cruising and looking for the next fix soon become drawl and pointless in my eyes. To say the least I was lonely and actually had no friends nor a family on SL.
Then I joined Blood Lines, like a goddamn idiot. Hahaha. No seriously, I think it put me on the path I am today. I will not bore you all with the whole story of how I got to where I am. This was meant to be an introduction of what I plan to be doing here on this blog. I will be posting things like:
- Music groups, on SL or Off
- Beautiful, unique sims
- DJ's and clubs
- The dramas of my SL world and the gays who create it
- Items or clothing I think should be shared
And whatever else I feel like posting about. All the while I will be exposing to you who I truly am..both on SL and RL. It is a scary thought indeed. The name of my blog speaks for itself, there is a high chance I will offend one or many of you through the course of my blogging experience. To say the least though, I will not bore you.
Cheers ladies and gentleman.
- Yu
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