Second Life: High Levels of Toxicity.

I'll start off by saying I did not think I would be back here. On second life. On facebook and especially on this blog. I was convinced I had moved on with my life and there was nothing left for me here. Yet to clear up the confusion, let me rewind and explain for my sudden disappearance to begin with.

To put it simply, I left SL for what I thought would be for good around nine months ago. A singular event and ending of a relationship was enough to push me over the edge I was teetering off of. You see, it takes more than one event or one person to make me leave. I was halfway over the cliff anyway. I was depressed, sick and overall unhappy with everything. I blamed it on my health, my work and anything else but the problem was staring right at me.

Second Life was toxic.

 It had turned into nothing but a harmful wasteland to me. Even though I had supporters and friends I could not see them through the poisonous fog. I had let Second Life turn me into someone I didn't want to be and it was growing worse and worse by the day. So I left. I turned off my PC, traveled out of the country and took time to refresh. I regret in the manner of how I did it. I let people worry about me. I didn't tell them I was okay. After I left for Japan, I checked my email once, replied to a couple of people and then never logged into it for eight months.


Wow..eight months. I can't believe it's been that long. During that time I slowly began to forget the pain. I became motivated and focused on my real life. My real ambitions and my real life connections. It took several months. I couldn't bear to look at the Firestorm logo, so I uninstalled it. I didn't log into any of my old emails and I certainly did not reactivate my facebook. More months passed. My wounds healed. I got a new job and I got into the graduate school I've been fighting to get in. I dated, I met new people..and before I realized it, I was no longer dependent on Second Life. I was no longer hurt or trapped. And most importantly, I felt happy with my life.

More months passed, and I forgot everything. I focused on my work and school. I had pushed everything out of my mind. (I'm good at that.) Still, there was one person I could not ignore. Especially when she texted me one day. I was sitting outside my classroom, gathering my books and suddenly I saw a text from one of my closest SL friends. I thought she had forgotten about me. I was wrong. She assumed I was in Japan and therefore assumed I could  not get texts. I immediately replied, and like floodgates, my heart opened up and all my old sentiments rushed in. I walked into the computer lab boldly. I sat down..and without hesitation I opened up my old hotmail account...and there they were.

Emails.

From the people who loved me.
From the people who counted on me.
From the people, who never forgot about me.

My head swam with emotions. I took a deep breath and hit reply. First to Spike. He had emailed me, to keep himself sane. In hopes I would return. He said he accepted I was long gone, but he still wanted to email me. It comforted him. That..broke my heart. I replied with only two words:

"Get ready."

Second email. It was from my baby dear Rogue. Yet since she was already texting me, she did not get a reply.

Third email. Cyrus. My ex. I was sure he had moved on, and long forgotten me. I was sure he was pissed I took off, even though I needed to. Yet, he had emailed me a few months ago and said I was on his mind. He said he missed our friendship. That is when I realized, I missed it too. Despite how our relationship turned out, we always had a deep friendship and respect for each other. We endured a lot of things together. This is why I couldn't simply ignore that email. My wounds have healed and I felt good. So I replied.

I didn't think I would have the guts to log into SL. But I learned my dear friend was going through a rough time. She was hurting, and I was the asshole who left her. She doesn't see it that way, but I still repent. It was my desire to be by her side that made me install firestorm and log in. I wanted to be there for her. I am driven by my need to protect others. I was always told it was my best quality. A guardian. I always knew this because it is how I distracted myself from my own pain, was focusing on others and helping them. I

This is why I am back. Despite what my sarcastic profile may say, I came back to be with the people who truly worried and missed me. I came back to help people through their pain. Because Second Life is toxic. There are too many people here who will use, abuse and take advantage of you. There are too many people here who thrive on the drama, the mind games and will constantly put their needs in front of others. I helped myself by stepping away. It did wonders. Now I am here to be the pillar for my friends.I know drama will come my way. I know there are many people who wished I just died, or stayed offline. I know for a fact people will come after me or spread rumors..but luckily, I give no fucks. If I can bring the smiles on their faces, then it is worth the risk.

Spike. Cyrus. Rogue. Rik.

Thank you for being my true friends.

Until next time,

Yu Exonar

Bitty Beat Down - Fashion

Well, I need to do this more often. There are a couple thins I have been wanting to write about. I do have a healthy rant on SL work ethic spinning in my head, but that shall come later I suppose. This look came when I wanted to stop and actually buy something for myself. While browsing through market place I came across a fanfuckingtastic hoodie.

• Skin:  The Body Co. Ash medium
• Shape: Custom
• Eyes: Poetic Colors - faerie eyes witchbright
• Hoodie: .Shi Hoodie (unisex) *MESH*
• Pants: .Shi Tweed Meggins (Homme) *MESH,.shi suspenders sold separately*
• Boots: [Gos] - GTFO Boot in Black
• Gloves: *grasp* Biker Glove - (Free group item)
• Lip Piercing: [ < ] kOwP [ > ] Piercings *=* Mercy *=*
• Clavicle Piercing: :Little Pricks:
• Watch: *BLITZED* Legacy Watch - black -
• Cigarette: .:Hermony:. / Ultimate Cigarette / Package

Nerdy Elf - Fashion Post

It has been awhile since I have blogged. Though I coin it up to being busy, I have simply been putting this off.


.....Nerdy Elf.....

• Hair - *Drot* - The Kenji - Black Ice
• Skin - The Body Co. - Ash 04 - Medium
• Shape - Custom 
• Eyes - Poetic Colors - Witchbright 
• Ears - [ni.ju]/[][]Trap[][] Collab - Gelf Ears
• Glasses - Reek - Augie glasses
• Sweater - *RoTtEn DeFiAnCe*- Swag Argle Sweater with Vest-Black (Mesh)
• Pants - Juice .:. Dixie Jeans
• Boots - [Gos] GTFO Boots in Black
• Gloves - SiniStyle Black Gloves
• Bracelet - NIKITA :: bangles black

"Amurikans", This One is for You.

I was not going to write something political or unrelated to SL. I was not going to do it  but I cannot help but feel so passionate on this subject. Here I am, residing in one of the most richest and privileged countries in the world and I feel like I'm the only one who actually fucking appreciates it.

Now this is not all election based, you see for years and for a few elections I have seen Americans whine and cry over who wins as president. Fine, feel upset..I can sympathize. You believe in someone so it's natural to want them to come on top, but what is really getting my goat is the number of people who are wishing to secede. Yes, SECEDE. There are many Texans, and others in states signing petitions to remove themselves from America. Are you fucking kidding me? You want to give up your citizenship? Well fuck then hand it on over to me. Me, and other foreigners who have come here want nothing more than to take your place.

Many of these people need to realize one thing: they're spoiled. That's right, the average fucking American is spoiled rotten and not realizing it. We sit in our central air controlled homes, with our washers, dryers, cable, clean tap water and insulation and take it all for granted. We're also wasteful as hell. I'm from Japan, and we don't even use clothes dryers..and central air? HAH. We have room to room units for air conditioning. And in some of the older homes? Heating? Forget it. We have a room for a fire but otherwise we bundle the fuck up. I won't even go into the time I spent in China and how the average person over there lives. They're just grateful for a meal everyday and able to boil their water to drink. Even in the winter when many of them are cold and shivering, I never heard a complaint or a whine. All smiles, all family and friend. 

Yet here I see if someone's wireless go out for even an hour, they go on a bitch fit like it's the end of the world. It makes me sick, but for the most part I hold my tongue cause I realize most Americans don't know better. They assume everyone has the luxuries they have, so I'll forgive that ignorance, I guess. Yet stop and think before you say you wish to "leave" the United States. Think really hard on what you would be giving up and sacrificing before you think you want to leave or secede. Ready to give up your social security? Ready to give up the government that will come to your aide in a natural disaster? Ready to give up on equal rights? I could go on forever..but if you are still stuck on packing up..Well, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. 

I may not be an American, yet, but I am proud to be here. Take some pride in your country. Especially to those who never left it, you honestly have no idea how blessed you are.

- Until next time,

Yu 

Karma

First off, I will say this post is very much in relation to my previous written post on friendship.

Karma. Is it real? Is it myth? Well if you want to put it in more common sense, karma is a more spiritual way of looking at the Newton's third law, "To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction." Fear not my few readers, I am not here to give you science lesson, I am here to exemplify the word of karma and how everything has a consequence....and it even applies to Second Life.

Consequences. We are all held accountable for our actions. For example, if we do not go to work without informing anyone, it is possible we will get fired. If we hit someone with our car, we will have to pay for the damages. Everything in this world is full of consequences for the things we do..but for some reason people on Second Life think they should not, nor cannot be held accountable for their actions. Yet I am here to say that this is very untrue.

Let me remind you all, even though SL is a virtual world and we are hidden behind our screens, we are still dealing with real people with real emotions..and believe it or not, these people also have brains. We are not mindless drones and therefore we think for ourselves. Therefore it is natural for people to say "enough is enough." Especially if a friend is proving to be someone other than that. And while we may wish to mend our friendships, there is a time when we realize there are people within Second Life who are not here to make friends, but to use, abuse and overall manipulate the people around them. Some people are lacking love, control or self confidence in RL, so they use SL as a tool to take back that control or that need for attention. Hell, I actually worry about the people who spend a little too much on SL, cause it means perhaps they are lacking that RL interaction every human being should have. Yet I won't get into that, I am going off-topic.

My main point is that karma still exists in Second Life. Everyone only gets so many chances until people begin to realize who they actually are. While it may be easy to sit there and blame everyone else around you, instead of being accountable for your own actions, you should really stop and look around. Perhaps there is a reason people around you are defriending you, ignoring you and overall stop caring about you. Can you honestly still sit there and play the victim game? Can you really just continue to call everyone a "betrayer" and "bad friend" while you remain guilt free?  Sorry to say, the world has not gone mad. There is no one turning people against you...karma has suddenly come to smack you in the face.

You see, treat people the way you want to be treated. Treasure your friends and loved ones..and lastly, take some goddamn responsibility for your actions and words. Pride. Ego. Self-Importance. All of these things are not worth being alone for. And while you may think you're the best thing that has happened to your friends and loved ones, you're really not. No one is lucky to be your friend, you should stop and count your blessing. I know I do, because I have learned from my mistakes and my karma.

I can only hope people learn from their own lessons as well, or they will never grow.

Until next time,

Yu

The Little Things

Normally I am not a morning person. Seeing me conscious before 9 am usually means something or someone woke me up and as a result all with suffer. Of course this time it was my alarm, but I also saw another thing on my phone that instantly put a smile on my face.



It's the little things that can change a person's perspective and day. Yesterday I pondered over the things that  bring me down and the things that uplift me. Overall happiness will never be reached because there will always be negative forces in your life. Perhaps the most important thing though is to focus on the things that make you smile instead of dwelling on things you cannot control. Therefore instead of revolving my day around the negative I took time to embrace the positive.



Now the positive can come from many things, and not just people around you. I find listening to music in the morning motivates me and uplifts my spirit. I also take time to sit down and give my dogs proper loving. Certain things I see or read on FB, restoring my faith in humanity. Again, it will always be the tiniest things that can change your whole day. While its the negative thoughts, negative people, or the fucking cold weather outside that try to drag you down, you have to remember the small things that get you through the day.

My nephew posted a LONG ass status appreciating all the people that make him smile. I'm sure it made a lot of people happy. Everything takes a bit nurturing, even the best of relationships. Even though you are already happy as can be, don't forget the details. A simple text, a smile or even a wave to a stranger can completely change the outcome of a day. Even though I feel cheesy writing this, I am slowly learning that being happy is more important than always being "right." That friends mean more than pride. Lastly, anyone who tries to get me down is not even worth a thought. There are many beautiful things going on around us, and if we stop to take in the good rather than the bad we can easily turn around the mood.

In a previous blog "Let it Go" I also talked about negativity. While we all have our weak moments and cannot help but feel depressed, sad or hopeless, this is normal. Usually when I feel this way I know it's time to just go to bed and wake up with a fresh start because staying awake and being self-destructive helps no one. Sadly I know plenty of people who thrive on the negative like it's their favorite meal of the day. It fuels them, not realizing that not only that it is destructive to themselves but also to the people around them. A negative thought is contagious in the brain...one thought gives birth to many and before you realize it you're stuck in a dark place and inconsolable.

That is why taking a breath and focusing on the positive is most important. While most upset people don't like to hear "think positive," it does hold true. Then again, I think those negative people have to realize it for themselves. Course I know I won't always be this mushy. Maybe I am just having a good day, or maybe someone slipped drugs in my coffee, either way, I want to try to keep this attitude for awhile.

Until next time,

- Yu

.Just Breath.

OMG A Fashion Post

Hello,

Well since I have been living quite peacefully, I have nothing to bitch about today. Haha, Good Job SL, you have managed to stay a little less drama filled than usual. Kudos.

Since I can't costume up and do Halloween RL, I decided to put together an original costume/look for the hell of it on SL. It really started with the horns, then with some inspiration from Mononoke (Kodama), I was able to piece this together.

Hope you like it.

Skin -  the body co. - Ash (med)

Shape - Dura -Custom-

Eyes - AVId: - Black moon eyes

Horns -ni.ju- Eurexiaun Horns

Hair -*Rock Candy*  -  Fiery (white)

Claws - Faeilin- Claws v.6.1 

Ropes - "ROPES"  - Slave Male

Shoulder Guard - CCR - Arrancar Arm and Shoulder

Tattoo - .Little Pricks. - The Warrior - full Body white

Faun Set - *RoTtEn DeFiAnCe* - White Fall Faun 

Mask -[LANEVO]- Kodama