Accountability

I've been listening to a lot of Eminem to channel any negative feelings I've been having. I usually play it while I drive to work and my walk to the building. I really respect him as an artist and even more so as a person. You see, he started from no where and built himself up. He used his raw talent, determination and took his misfortune to weave it into success. He got where he was not by stepping on the heads of those who helped him, but by continuously honoring the people who made it possible. It's easy to get ahead by stepping on others. It's easy to get power, popularity by pissing on those who are no longer useful, or who have decided to hold their own opinion. However, this article is not going to focus on that. My focus today is a word I love very much. A word I hold myself to.

Accountability.

For those of you lacking in vocabulary lessons, accountability is when you take responsibility for your words and actions. Easier said than done naturally. I am sure many people would rather sit back and blame it on anyone else rather than their own self. I however, have learned a great deal of stepping up and taking accountability. Fuck, I am the first person to admit when I was wrong. It's liberating for the soul and more importantly, I do not have to sit back and whine what others do or say to me anymore.

Life gets boring when you blame everyone but yourself. It gets meaningless when it seems the world is against you and you are the poor martyr always being targeted. It is even more pathetic when you use the same excuses over and over for your actions like some horrible handicap. It makes me yawn. Self improvement is the key step to happiness, but I guess it is easier to recline and blame everyone else while riding the pity train, and yet somehow continue to act pious in it all.

However nothing is permanent. As Buddha taught us. All things don’t last forever. Your sufferings and even your successes don’t come with you forever. So while you may be sitting pretty now, know that it won't last and at the end of the day we all have to look in the mirror and face ourselves.

Hell, I'll face myself right now. Like my idol I will throw all my shit out there and let people judge me on my face. I've always been called black and white with people. Because I believe in being honest and upfront. I will not create a gray area and let you think I like you to get ahead. Nor will I stay in the gray area and passively aggressively cry about how "bullied" I am when I know I brought some of it on myself.

Hi. I'm Yu.
1. I tend to be blunt, this comes off as rude.
2. I do not pretend to be anyones bff the moment I meet them, this comes off as rude.
3. I do not kiss asses, this comes off as rude.
4. I can be moody, probably from the steriods I constantly pump into my body.
5. People have to earn my respect, people don't like to work for it, therefore I am rude.
6. I have ran away from my problems before.
7. I have apologized to anyone I let down without blinking or being forced to. 
8. I used to make excuses for my actions.
9. I have thrown hurtful words at people just to make them cry.
10. I have physically hurt people.

I was a violent, angry drug addict who had no direction and wanted to step on anyone in my way.
Now I am a tolerant, patient, and sometimes pissy man who believes in people owning up to their shit.
You may not like how I roll with my attitude, but you can guarantee if you come to me and tell me I have hurt you, I will be the first to apologize and realize my mistakes. I am an adult.

However some people cannot do this. Even if they know they are wrong they will always screw it to be your fault. How DARE you be angry at them! They're perfect. They're always the victim. The Martyr strikes again! However, these people should take a close look at themselves. Are people constantly leaving their lives? Are people suddenly "turning" on them for no reason? Is EVERYONE ELSE but them an inconsiderate asshole? Probably not. The world is not always against you. And if you continue to drive people away you must stop and think to yourself: Why do people keep walking away? Why do people keep betraying me?

Take a good look in the mirror. The friends I have made are few, but have stuck with me for a very long time. I do not give them a reason to walk away. I take accountability when I mess up. I do not get mad and tell them to fuck off because their opinion isn't always shared with me. Therefore if you feel like people are always out to get you, think why.

It's one thing if strangers hate you, they're sheep riding the hate train. However if it is the people you once called friends turning their back on you? I'd take some time and reflect on what I am doing wrong. Because the martyr game gets old. People see right through it. And frankly, it's boring as shit.

Signed,

Yu.

I used to be the type of kid that would always think the sky is falling
Now I think the fact that I'm differently wired's awesome
'Cause if I wasn't I wouldn't be able to work
Words like this and connect lines like crosswords
And use my enemy's words as strength
To try and draw from, and get inspired off em

S&M: Keep it Closed

I already have a feeling I may piss a few people off with this post. Then again, check the title of this blog. My job is to write on the controversial matters. Sometimes, I say the things that need to be said but people are too afraid at causing a stir. Well, it's a good thing I a piss people off just by existing... I really can't do much worse right?

Let me begin with a small scenario of last night. I had just finished a fashion blog post via my alt and was feeling pretty good. I decided to stop by at one of my favorite gay strip clubs. It's a happy joint on a friendly sim where people come and hang out. They're known for their social aspect. They have no set DJ's and times. They have no contests. Just fun, people and a lot of areas to play and explore. I myself have been fond of this place because I can hand around and chat with the staff and regulars without feeling pressured to do anything other than just enjoy myself.

However, the environment has recently changed with a few new regulars showing up. And unfortunately, he and those who come with him are the epitome of people who can take a fun, sexy gay sim and turn it into something uncomfortable. This particular patron comes in and gets on stage and dances and strips as he is a staff member. (He is not, but due to a new feature he is allowed to.) This is great, I am sure sometimes regulars want to feel a part of the staff and feel sexy for customers. However, this is becoming a daily routine for this person. What bothers me is that when he is performing, he is usually doing it by displaying his ownership over his little group of slaves.

Yes. He is the quintessential Master with this flock of Slaves. The type who will show up anywhere...with their collars and leashes. The type where the Master will openly emote that he's cumming in his slaves mouths,  making references to watersports while his mewling entourage cry for more from their beloved Master. The kind that I am sure, given the type of sim they are on...make many people around them uncomfortable, including myself. While I am sure they are enjoying themselves..and maybe some of the patrons, I am also well aware of the people who just stand and gawk at this crude display of ownership. Not only are they left out, they're grossed out.

But why Yu? You're just being a goddamn prude. Let them be!

This is not me being prude. The SHIT I have done and do would cause the average person to call the police on me and my partners. But here is the kicker: I keep it behind closed doors. The Master/Slave, D/S, BDSM lifestyle..while VERY hot indeed...is still a fetish. A fetish is something that is not shared  by everyone. Everyone has their own pleasures. Therefore..I think the amount of Masters on SL dragging their slaves around the various sims that are not designed for that are being disrespectful to the other people around them. I'm sorry, but not everyone want's to see how you treat your slaves or how much they love your punishment. I have seen these people come to regular clubs, to shopping sims, or to just regular casinos. I'd be happily getting gacha items at the ARCADE and next to me is a nearly naked woman on her knees, being dragged around by some hulking man in bad medieval clothes while he ponders what to buy his "pet".

Do you see the problem? The place I usually haunt is a strip club. It's open for fun filled, naked, stripping and even some public sex. I do not think, however it is open for crude displays of subjugation. There are plenty of DUNGEONS and BDSM sims where Masters can take their Slaves to play and interact. Hell, there are even sims were you can participate in Auction. Sims are created for this reasons. This is why people who are into GOR go to GOREAN sims, but are otherwise behave normally outside. I have been friends with many slaves AND their masters. I respected them because when they went to my DJ sets or clubs, they danced, talked and acted like a normal couple/friends/whatever. Never once did my friends start telling his slaves to kneel down and start crude displays of their ownership.

I realize the whole publicity things gets them off. Again, there are sims and themed clubs dedicated for that. I think the problem is people do not want to say anything because it is such a popular fetish.

 However, for comparison lets say a couple is turned on by stuffed animals. Yes, stuffed animals. And they go to clubs, and sims, and shopping malls with their stuffed animals. Aww how cute. But then suddenly..BAM. One of them turns on a hud and they start humping the poor teddy bear for all eyes to see. Not only do they hump it in public, but they also scream and shout in local chat how hot it is and how they love to fuck their stuffed teddy in public while their partner openly jacks off to the display.

Don't you think people would say something then? Even if the sim was rated Adult, do you not think people may be disturbed, confused or even weirded out by the display? Of course they would. Because I am a firm believer that such things.. including your darkest fetishes are meant to be contained in either an environment that promotes it..or in the bedroom/IM box. Just because you personally think it's hot, does not mean everyone else will.

I believe these people who do this are either ignorant and do not know better or rude and expect people to conform to their lifestyle. I am sad to say that this recent, almost daily display has turned me off to one of my favorite spots. I honestly think that they should tone down their bedroom behavior when out in front of other people, especially if it promotes something that some people may feel uncomfortable with. While I think everyone is allowed into this particular establishment, I feel like they should behave in a way that is welcoming to everyone around them. Being rude, being unfriendly or acting like jerks is not the only way to drive away customers and regulars.

Therefore, whatever your thing is. If it's whipping your boys with a crop, giving golden showers, verbally abusing a masochistic pet, or even humping a stuffed teddy bear.. please go to the proper sims for that..or hell, do it at home or in your IM box.

We're here to have fun, flirt a little..and hell maybe even a little public sex. We are not here to see your daily fetishes being openly displayed and forced in our faces though. It's common respect.

So remember kids, just because you like licking others in the eyeballs, doesn't mean they will enjoy it.

Signed,

- Yu

Second Life: High Levels of Toxicity.

I'll start off by saying I did not think I would be back here. On second life. On facebook and especially on this blog. I was convinced I had moved on with my life and there was nothing left for me here. Yet to clear up the confusion, let me rewind and explain for my sudden disappearance to begin with.

To put it simply, I left SL for what I thought would be for good around nine months ago. A singular event and ending of a relationship was enough to push me over the edge I was teetering off of. You see, it takes more than one event or one person to make me leave. I was halfway over the cliff anyway. I was depressed, sick and overall unhappy with everything. I blamed it on my health, my work and anything else but the problem was staring right at me.

Second Life was toxic.

 It had turned into nothing but a harmful wasteland to me. Even though I had supporters and friends I could not see them through the poisonous fog. I had let Second Life turn me into someone I didn't want to be and it was growing worse and worse by the day. So I left. I turned off my PC, traveled out of the country and took time to refresh. I regret in the manner of how I did it. I let people worry about me. I didn't tell them I was okay. After I left for Japan, I checked my email once, replied to a couple of people and then never logged into it for eight months.


Wow..eight months. I can't believe it's been that long. During that time I slowly began to forget the pain. I became motivated and focused on my real life. My real ambitions and my real life connections. It took several months. I couldn't bear to look at the Firestorm logo, so I uninstalled it. I didn't log into any of my old emails and I certainly did not reactivate my facebook. More months passed. My wounds healed. I got a new job and I got into the graduate school I've been fighting to get in. I dated, I met new people..and before I realized it, I was no longer dependent on Second Life. I was no longer hurt or trapped. And most importantly, I felt happy with my life.

More months passed, and I forgot everything. I focused on my work and school. I had pushed everything out of my mind. (I'm good at that.) Still, there was one person I could not ignore. Especially when she texted me one day. I was sitting outside my classroom, gathering my books and suddenly I saw a text from one of my closest SL friends. I thought she had forgotten about me. I was wrong. She assumed I was in Japan and therefore assumed I could  not get texts. I immediately replied, and like floodgates, my heart opened up and all my old sentiments rushed in. I walked into the computer lab boldly. I sat down..and without hesitation I opened up my old hotmail account...and there they were.

Emails.

From the people who loved me.
From the people who counted on me.
From the people, who never forgot about me.

My head swam with emotions. I took a deep breath and hit reply. First to Spike. He had emailed me, to keep himself sane. In hopes I would return. He said he accepted I was long gone, but he still wanted to email me. It comforted him. That..broke my heart. I replied with only two words:

"Get ready."

Second email. It was from my baby dear Rogue. Yet since she was already texting me, she did not get a reply.

Third email. Cyrus. My ex. I was sure he had moved on, and long forgotten me. I was sure he was pissed I took off, even though I needed to. Yet, he had emailed me a few months ago and said I was on his mind. He said he missed our friendship. That is when I realized, I missed it too. Despite how our relationship turned out, we always had a deep friendship and respect for each other. We endured a lot of things together. This is why I couldn't simply ignore that email. My wounds have healed and I felt good. So I replied.

I didn't think I would have the guts to log into SL. But I learned my dear friend was going through a rough time. She was hurting, and I was the asshole who left her. She doesn't see it that way, but I still repent. It was my desire to be by her side that made me install firestorm and log in. I wanted to be there for her. I am driven by my need to protect others. I was always told it was my best quality. A guardian. I always knew this because it is how I distracted myself from my own pain, was focusing on others and helping them. I

This is why I am back. Despite what my sarcastic profile may say, I came back to be with the people who truly worried and missed me. I came back to help people through their pain. Because Second Life is toxic. There are too many people here who will use, abuse and take advantage of you. There are too many people here who thrive on the drama, the mind games and will constantly put their needs in front of others. I helped myself by stepping away. It did wonders. Now I am here to be the pillar for my friends.I know drama will come my way. I know there are many people who wished I just died, or stayed offline. I know for a fact people will come after me or spread rumors..but luckily, I give no fucks. If I can bring the smiles on their faces, then it is worth the risk.

Spike. Cyrus. Rogue. Rik.

Thank you for being my true friends.

Until next time,

Yu Exonar

Bitty Beat Down - Fashion

Well, I need to do this more often. There are a couple thins I have been wanting to write about. I do have a healthy rant on SL work ethic spinning in my head, but that shall come later I suppose. This look came when I wanted to stop and actually buy something for myself. While browsing through market place I came across a fanfuckingtastic hoodie.

• Skin:  The Body Co. Ash medium
• Shape: Custom
• Eyes: Poetic Colors - faerie eyes witchbright
• Hoodie: .Shi Hoodie (unisex) *MESH*
• Pants: .Shi Tweed Meggins (Homme) *MESH,.shi suspenders sold separately*
• Boots: [Gos] - GTFO Boot in Black
• Gloves: *grasp* Biker Glove - (Free group item)
• Lip Piercing: [ < ] kOwP [ > ] Piercings *=* Mercy *=*
• Clavicle Piercing: :Little Pricks:
• Watch: *BLITZED* Legacy Watch - black -
• Cigarette: .:Hermony:. / Ultimate Cigarette / Package

Nerdy Elf - Fashion Post

It has been awhile since I have blogged. Though I coin it up to being busy, I have simply been putting this off.


.....Nerdy Elf.....

• Hair - *Drot* - The Kenji - Black Ice
• Skin - The Body Co. - Ash 04 - Medium
• Shape - Custom 
• Eyes - Poetic Colors - Witchbright 
• Ears - [ni.ju]/[][]Trap[][] Collab - Gelf Ears
• Glasses - Reek - Augie glasses
• Sweater - *RoTtEn DeFiAnCe*- Swag Argle Sweater with Vest-Black (Mesh)
• Pants - Juice .:. Dixie Jeans
• Boots - [Gos] GTFO Boots in Black
• Gloves - SiniStyle Black Gloves
• Bracelet - NIKITA :: bangles black

"Amurikans", This One is for You.

I was not going to write something political or unrelated to SL. I was not going to do it  but I cannot help but feel so passionate on this subject. Here I am, residing in one of the most richest and privileged countries in the world and I feel like I'm the only one who actually fucking appreciates it.

Now this is not all election based, you see for years and for a few elections I have seen Americans whine and cry over who wins as president. Fine, feel upset..I can sympathize. You believe in someone so it's natural to want them to come on top, but what is really getting my goat is the number of people who are wishing to secede. Yes, SECEDE. There are many Texans, and others in states signing petitions to remove themselves from America. Are you fucking kidding me? You want to give up your citizenship? Well fuck then hand it on over to me. Me, and other foreigners who have come here want nothing more than to take your place.

Many of these people need to realize one thing: they're spoiled. That's right, the average fucking American is spoiled rotten and not realizing it. We sit in our central air controlled homes, with our washers, dryers, cable, clean tap water and insulation and take it all for granted. We're also wasteful as hell. I'm from Japan, and we don't even use clothes dryers..and central air? HAH. We have room to room units for air conditioning. And in some of the older homes? Heating? Forget it. We have a room for a fire but otherwise we bundle the fuck up. I won't even go into the time I spent in China and how the average person over there lives. They're just grateful for a meal everyday and able to boil their water to drink. Even in the winter when many of them are cold and shivering, I never heard a complaint or a whine. All smiles, all family and friend. 

Yet here I see if someone's wireless go out for even an hour, they go on a bitch fit like it's the end of the world. It makes me sick, but for the most part I hold my tongue cause I realize most Americans don't know better. They assume everyone has the luxuries they have, so I'll forgive that ignorance, I guess. Yet stop and think before you say you wish to "leave" the United States. Think really hard on what you would be giving up and sacrificing before you think you want to leave or secede. Ready to give up your social security? Ready to give up the government that will come to your aide in a natural disaster? Ready to give up on equal rights? I could go on forever..but if you are still stuck on packing up..Well, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. 

I may not be an American, yet, but I am proud to be here. Take some pride in your country. Especially to those who never left it, you honestly have no idea how blessed you are.

- Until next time,

Yu 

Karma

First off, I will say this post is very much in relation to my previous written post on friendship.

Karma. Is it real? Is it myth? Well if you want to put it in more common sense, karma is a more spiritual way of looking at the Newton's third law, "To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction." Fear not my few readers, I am not here to give you science lesson, I am here to exemplify the word of karma and how everything has a consequence....and it even applies to Second Life.

Consequences. We are all held accountable for our actions. For example, if we do not go to work without informing anyone, it is possible we will get fired. If we hit someone with our car, we will have to pay for the damages. Everything in this world is full of consequences for the things we do..but for some reason people on Second Life think they should not, nor cannot be held accountable for their actions. Yet I am here to say that this is very untrue.

Let me remind you all, even though SL is a virtual world and we are hidden behind our screens, we are still dealing with real people with real emotions..and believe it or not, these people also have brains. We are not mindless drones and therefore we think for ourselves. Therefore it is natural for people to say "enough is enough." Especially if a friend is proving to be someone other than that. And while we may wish to mend our friendships, there is a time when we realize there are people within Second Life who are not here to make friends, but to use, abuse and overall manipulate the people around them. Some people are lacking love, control or self confidence in RL, so they use SL as a tool to take back that control or that need for attention. Hell, I actually worry about the people who spend a little too much on SL, cause it means perhaps they are lacking that RL interaction every human being should have. Yet I won't get into that, I am going off-topic.

My main point is that karma still exists in Second Life. Everyone only gets so many chances until people begin to realize who they actually are. While it may be easy to sit there and blame everyone else around you, instead of being accountable for your own actions, you should really stop and look around. Perhaps there is a reason people around you are defriending you, ignoring you and overall stop caring about you. Can you honestly still sit there and play the victim game? Can you really just continue to call everyone a "betrayer" and "bad friend" while you remain guilt free?  Sorry to say, the world has not gone mad. There is no one turning people against you...karma has suddenly come to smack you in the face.

You see, treat people the way you want to be treated. Treasure your friends and loved ones..and lastly, take some goddamn responsibility for your actions and words. Pride. Ego. Self-Importance. All of these things are not worth being alone for. And while you may think you're the best thing that has happened to your friends and loved ones, you're really not. No one is lucky to be your friend, you should stop and count your blessing. I know I do, because I have learned from my mistakes and my karma.

I can only hope people learn from their own lessons as well, or they will never grow.

Until next time,

Yu